Divorce Mistakes to Avoid: The Risk of “Just Letting the Judge Decide”

I often have a conversation with my clients at some point during my representation about the benefits of negotiation instead of skipping straight to litigation. Typically, this occurs during particularly emotionally difficult moments in the divorce process—either at the beginning, when they are looking ahead at all the issues that need to be resolved, or in the middle of negotiations, when the pressure is high, and they just want out.

I then go into my soliloquy on the benefits and necessity of negotiation before focusing entirely on litigation and, ultimately, trial.

Why Negotiation Is Essential—Even If You Go to Court

What most people don’t realize is that negotiation is still required during the litigation process leading up to trial. In Virginia, when scheduling a trial, you must work around the court’s availability as well as the other party’s. There is always a significant period of time between initiating legal action and the court making a final determination on the matters related to your divorce.

The court also expects both parties to attempt to negotiate and narrow down the issues before trial. If there are matters that can be agreed upon beforehand, it is beneficial to do so. Refusing to engage in negotiations—especially if the other party can provide evidence of their attempts—can harm your case. In some instances, you may even be required to pay the other party’s attorney’s fees.

The Financial Impact: How Negotiation Can Save You Money

You will save money if you can resolve matters outside of court. Preparing for trial is not only emotionally stressful and full of conflict, but it is also time-consuming and expensive. Depending on the issues in your case, you may need a multi-day trial or have to pay additional fees for expert testimony to prove certain points.

The fewer unresolved issues that go to trial, the shorter and less costly the process will be.

Court Time Is Limited—Take Control of Your Outcome

A judge will only have a few days during the trial to hear what you have spent months preparing and even longer living. In a divorce, you are dealing with very personal matters that will have lasting impacts on your life. Choosing not to resolve as many issues as possible before trial reduces the amount of control you have over the outcome.

Settling allows you to reach an agreement in a way that works best for you and your family. It also enables you to be specific with the terms, which may not be possible in a court order.

How to Approach Divorce Negotiations Effectively

To avoid some of the common pitfalls of divorce negotiations, here are a few general guidelines to follow:

1. Identify Your Priorities Early

Determine and communicate to your attorney what matters most to you. Do you want to keep your house? Do you need spousal support? If you have children, what custody schedule do you believe is in their best interests? It is also important to identify areas where you are willing to compromise.

2. Stay Focused on the Big Picture

Don’t get bogged down fighting over small amounts of money. Consider the value of an item versus how much you would spend in attorney’s fees disputing it. It’s often more cost-effective to compromise than to spend more in legal fees than the asset is worth. Similarly, don’t waste time arguing over easily replaceable items.

3. Work With an Experienced Divorce Attorney

An attorney can help reduce the emotional strain of divorce negotiations. Legal counsel provides an experienced perspective to help you navigate the process and avoid costly mistakes.

Final Thoughts: Why Negotiation Leads to Better Divorce Outcomes

While the idea of “just letting the judge decide” may seem like the easiest path, it often leads to unnecessary stress, expense, and uncertainty. By negotiating strategically and resolving as many issues as possible outside of court, you can achieve a more favorable outcome while maintaining greater control over your future.

If you’re facing a divorce, consider working with an experienced family law attorney to help you navigate the process and reach the best possible resolution.

Please reach out to The Geller Law Group if you’d like to schedule an initial consultation to discuss divorce options.

Veronica Holmes, Associate
OFFICE: 703-687-6188 ext. 151
DIRECT: 703-982-6957
vholmes@thegellerlawgroup.com